Bloody physiotherapists. He's given me accupuncture and I'm sure it's not supposed to hurt, but it does. Lots.
Today I am in large amounts of pain. I couldn't even get up with fluffy this morning. :(
Poo
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Bloody cat
Well, my beloved kitty, Khaymen, spent the night attempting to put a kink in my spine.
Thanks for that, kitty!
Gosh, isn't it cold today? Snow in London? Whatever next?
Mrs B is asleep, bless her cotton-clad boobies ... talking of which, I haven't molested her yet today ... lol ... have to rectify that once she's awake!
We found a red rash on the back of Peter's knee yesterday when he got out of the bath. It went away after a bit, and was more like a bit of dry exzema-type skin, so we'll keep an eye on that.
Well, I'm hoping to be able to get on with some work today. I have the creative writing course on this afternoon, and was hoping to get something done this morning before I go ... I was in the flow earlier, but Peter was being cranky early morning refusing to sleep baby this morning, so it's gone now.
Oh well.
I shall try.
ps: I love you Mrs B. Lots and lots and lots. Hugs.
Thanks for that, kitty!
Gosh, isn't it cold today? Snow in London? Whatever next?
Mrs B is asleep, bless her cotton-clad boobies ... talking of which, I haven't molested her yet today ... lol ... have to rectify that once she's awake!
We found a red rash on the back of Peter's knee yesterday when he got out of the bath. It went away after a bit, and was more like a bit of dry exzema-type skin, so we'll keep an eye on that.
Well, I'm hoping to be able to get on with some work today. I have the creative writing course on this afternoon, and was hoping to get something done this morning before I go ... I was in the flow earlier, but Peter was being cranky early morning refusing to sleep baby this morning, so it's gone now.
Oh well.
I shall try.
ps: I love you Mrs B. Lots and lots and lots. Hugs.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Sparklies
Sparkly, sparkly, sprinkly sparklies
Mmmmm
Magpiniacal sparkledom
Mmmmm
And the cat is sat on top of the monitor. Hello Khaymen :)
Took Peter up to "baby bounce" - a children's story and singsong time up at the library this morning. He seemed to enjoy himself.
Knackered, now.
Doing well with Heng. Writing is fun :)
Mmmmm
Magpiniacal sparkledom
Mmmmm
And the cat is sat on top of the monitor. Hello Khaymen :)
Took Peter up to "baby bounce" - a children's story and singsong time up at the library this morning. He seemed to enjoy himself.
Knackered, now.
Doing well with Heng. Writing is fun :)
Monday, January 22, 2007
Poor wifey poodle bear
She isn't very well.
Get well soon, snuggle bunni. Me and fluffle bear love you very much :)
Get well soon, snuggle bunni. Me and fluffle bear love you very much :)
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Nicholas' 4th Birthday Party
So, we took Peter to my nephew's birthday party. It was Peter's first party. He did not enjoy it, poor lamb.
He's also being sick an awful lot, which is worrying. Such a cranky little boy today. Glad it's all over now and he's asleep in his cot. I suppose, what with teething and all, him having just (at last) got into a routine with his day time naps, going to a loud kids party in the afternoon was not the best thing for him.
Never mind.
Knackered.
Need a rest.
He's also being sick an awful lot, which is worrying. Such a cranky little boy today. Glad it's all over now and he's asleep in his cot. I suppose, what with teething and all, him having just (at last) got into a routine with his day time naps, going to a loud kids party in the afternoon was not the best thing for him.
Never mind.
Knackered.
Need a rest.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Bad dreams
I woke up this morning from a bad dream. Mrs B had gone and I was really upset. I rolled over to cuddle up and go back to sleep but the bed was empty. I had to get up and come down stairs and check that Mrs B and Peter were here.
It was like that time when I was a kid and I dreamed that my brother got killed. I woke up from that one and checked his bed to reassure myself but he wasn't there. It was so upsetting and it was only when I got downstairs and found him sat at the table having breakfast that I realised it was just a dream. I gave him such a big hug then. He thought I was daft.
I think Mrs B thought I was daft this morning, too, but I got a big cuddle too :)
Lucky husby bear. Now, on with the pantie-destroying mission. On, I say! lol
I love my wifey and I'm never letting anything bad happen to her ever.
It was like that time when I was a kid and I dreamed that my brother got killed. I woke up from that one and checked his bed to reassure myself but he wasn't there. It was so upsetting and it was only when I got downstairs and found him sat at the table having breakfast that I realised it was just a dream. I gave him such a big hug then. He thought I was daft.
I think Mrs B thought I was daft this morning, too, but I got a big cuddle too :)
Lucky husby bear. Now, on with the pantie-destroying mission. On, I say! lol
I love my wifey and I'm never letting anything bad happen to her ever.
Friday, January 19, 2007
Horny husby
That's me :)
In other news, got some good stuff done today for Heng. And flufflebunny rolled over for the very first time! Woo Hooooo, well done Peter bear :) That's my boy :)
And American Idol starts tonight.
I just had another look over at Snark Central to see if there were anymore comments on my first 750 words. Nup. Oh well. Guess, being #53, everyone was already worn out reading the others and couldn't be bothered with mine.
Well, nyah nyah nyah, she liked mine. I didn't even get a single editorial comment from her :) So phhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt!
As Mrs B says, though, I'm never satisfied. Of the 11 comments, 2 are from people I know, 2 are my responses, 1 is a response from one commenter to another, and the remaining 8 are positive, so I should be pleased. No one said it sucked. But I want more. More damnit!
Anyways, I'm horny. Gonna chase Mrs B around the living room for a bit. Continue my unending mission to break her panties by flicking the elastic and wearing it through! lol
Bye for now :)
In other news, got some good stuff done today for Heng. And flufflebunny rolled over for the very first time! Woo Hooooo, well done Peter bear :) That's my boy :)
And American Idol starts tonight.
I just had another look over at Snark Central to see if there were anymore comments on my first 750 words. Nup. Oh well. Guess, being #53, everyone was already worn out reading the others and couldn't be bothered with mine.
Well, nyah nyah nyah, she liked mine. I didn't even get a single editorial comment from her :) So phhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt!
As Mrs B says, though, I'm never satisfied. Of the 11 comments, 2 are from people I know, 2 are my responses, 1 is a response from one commenter to another, and the remaining 8 are positive, so I should be pleased. No one said it sucked. But I want more. More damnit!
Anyways, I'm horny. Gonna chase Mrs B around the living room for a bit. Continue my unending mission to break her panties by flicking the elastic and wearing it through! lol
Bye for now :)
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Mwah ha ha
She's learning ... she really is. Mrs B keeps leaving the living room door open when the gas fire is on so that all the heat we've built up exists in a rapid fashion to the rest of the cold cold house. And the central heating is really just a little too expensive to have running all the time.
I keep mentioning to her that she's left the door open and she tuts and returns to close it ... sometimes.
Mwah ha haaaaa
Sorry Mrs B.
She was going upstairs, though, to fetch monkeyboy after he'd stayed in his cot for a whole hour for his nap. I really should have done some writing while he was asleep instead of staring at the vapid Trisha show! Oh well. Well done, monkeyboy. That was a fantastically long nap :) Proud of you, my boy.
I keep mentioning to her that she's left the door open and she tuts and returns to close it ... sometimes.
Mwah ha haaaaa
Sorry Mrs B.
She was going upstairs, though, to fetch monkeyboy after he'd stayed in his cot for a whole hour for his nap. I really should have done some writing while he was asleep instead of staring at the vapid Trisha show! Oh well. Well done, monkeyboy. That was a fantastically long nap :) Proud of you, my boy.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Whistles, nonchalantly
Gosh, there is so much time a person can waste on the intermenet. I really should get on with some work.
Now I'm just showing off ...
because my wifey is the bestest wifey in the whole wide world of wifeys :) wuv you Mrs B.
Also, my son, despite being a wriggly little wyrm, is still a special splendid splinter off the old chopping block!
I'm a lucky daddy, I'm a lucky daddy,
A doo dee doo dee doo da, a doo dee doo dee doo da
I'm a lucky husby, I'm a lucky husby,
A doo dee doo dee doo da, a doo dee doo dee doo da
And mummy's singing "bestest bestest baby poo" to Peter behind me on the sofa.
And Khaymen (the kitty) is purring on my lap and trying to sit on my hands ...
And Willow (the other kitty) is hiding upstairs, but he gave me noseys earlier :)
And the sun is shining, and the birds are singing, and I'm going to write about Frank, my favourite neihbourhood psycho eviscerate some defenceless sap!
Woo hoo!
If I can drag myself away from the wonderful distraction of the intermenet!
Hard, when my pretty wifey is sitting there looking all pretty and special and lurvely.
Also, my son, despite being a wriggly little wyrm, is still a special splendid splinter off the old chopping block!
I'm a lucky daddy, I'm a lucky daddy,
A doo dee doo dee doo da, a doo dee doo dee doo da
I'm a lucky husby, I'm a lucky husby,
A doo dee doo dee doo da, a doo dee doo dee doo da
And mummy's singing "bestest bestest baby poo" to Peter behind me on the sofa.
And Khaymen (the kitty) is purring on my lap and trying to sit on my hands ...
And Willow (the other kitty) is hiding upstairs, but he gave me noseys earlier :)
And the sun is shining, and the birds are singing, and I'm going to write about Frank, my favourite neihbourhood psycho eviscerate some defenceless sap!
Woo hoo!
If I can drag myself away from the wonderful distraction of the intermenet!
Hard, when my pretty wifey is sitting there looking all pretty and special and lurvely.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Morning all
Am feeling much better today, not having spent most of the night lying awake shivering in withdrawal from the super-meds the hospitalo gae me. That was horrible!
No, I spent last night ... asleep :)
Which was nice :)
Glad I got good feedback from her royal snarkiness, and one piece of constructive criticism and that about a word I'd already removed in my final redraft :)
So, Devonian refers to a paleontological discovery in the county of Devon to everyone except Devonians themselves who use it to describ themselves. Oops, that kinda gives my origins away, don't it? I'm an emit! Nooooooooooooooooooo ... (to the uninitiated: that means one that has emigrated to that noble self-titled country: the County of Cornwall!) All the way across the river, I've come. A whole mile and a half, in fact, from where I grew up, which to those Cornwallians that care (and they tend to live closest to Cornwall's borders) is worse than shipping here from Aberdeenshire! Trust me: that's Cornish logic for you.
Still, Pete's Cornish and his mummy and her mum and her mum and her mum and ... etc are all from the same wee Cornish village, so he's only half an emit! lol
Anyway, enough excuses: on with some work. I've spent the best part of this last month watching the crapometer on Miss Snark's blog. Too distracting!
No, I spent last night ... asleep :)
Which was nice :)
Glad I got good feedback from her royal snarkiness, and one piece of constructive criticism and that about a word I'd already removed in my final redraft :)
So, Devonian refers to a paleontological discovery in the county of Devon to everyone except Devonians themselves who use it to describ themselves. Oops, that kinda gives my origins away, don't it? I'm an emit! Nooooooooooooooooooo ... (to the uninitiated: that means one that has emigrated to that noble self-titled country: the County of Cornwall!) All the way across the river, I've come. A whole mile and a half, in fact, from where I grew up, which to those Cornwallians that care (and they tend to live closest to Cornwall's borders) is worse than shipping here from Aberdeenshire! Trust me: that's Cornish logic for you.
Still, Pete's Cornish and his mummy and her mum and her mum and her mum and ... etc are all from the same wee Cornish village, so he's only half an emit! lol
Anyway, enough excuses: on with some work. I've spent the best part of this last month watching the crapometer on Miss Snark's blog. Too distracting!
Monday, January 15, 2007
Woo Hoo Hoooooooooooo
So, Miss Snark has finished round 2 of the Happy Hooker Crapometer, and she liked my first 750 words.
Woo Hoo.
So, now I know I have the ability to grab an agent's attention, assuming they are looking for new clients and are prepared to represent the specific genre and like my personal style, and the rest of my query letter is up to scratch! I also know that if that same agent reads the first couple of pages of my book, they might just grab a coffee and take my manuscript with them to see what happens on page 50!
Woo Hoo Hooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Sorry, just super chuffed. I was getting all nervous and stuff.
Well, in other news, my tummy only aches slightly. I had such a rough night. Clearly, withdrawal from Trimadol is not a nice experience. I was restless, achey, my muscles had spasmodic episodes ... I had to sleep on the floor wrapped in a duvet, coz I was keeping Mrs B awake. My arthritis was killing me too and I couldn't do anything about it. I'm not even allowed any anti inflammatories now until the specialist has seen me. Poo.
Ah well, my story, it was liked :)
Yay.
Woo Hoo.
So, now I know I have the ability to grab an agent's attention, assuming they are looking for new clients and are prepared to represent the specific genre and like my personal style, and the rest of my query letter is up to scratch! I also know that if that same agent reads the first couple of pages of my book, they might just grab a coffee and take my manuscript with them to see what happens on page 50!
Woo Hoo Hooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Sorry, just super chuffed. I was getting all nervous and stuff.
Well, in other news, my tummy only aches slightly. I had such a rough night. Clearly, withdrawal from Trimadol is not a nice experience. I was restless, achey, my muscles had spasmodic episodes ... I had to sleep on the floor wrapped in a duvet, coz I was keeping Mrs B awake. My arthritis was killing me too and I couldn't do anything about it. I'm not even allowed any anti inflammatories now until the specialist has seen me. Poo.
Ah well, my story, it was liked :)
Yay.
Ho hum
Tummy's still a little sore but much better. Have stopped taking the trimadol, thank fishes, and will be back on the codeine from 4pm! Woo hoo! The trimadol was starting to make me feel quite depressed, lethargic and disassociated. Plus it made my balance wobbly and not in a good way.
The doc was not very helpful. Just gave me my repeat prescriptions and sent me out the door. I get to see the specialist in 6 weeks so he can look at my feet and a proctologist, also in 6 weeks, so he can look up my ... well, you know!
Ew.
In other news, Miss Snark appeared to stop yesterday mid-stream. Maybe I'll be there this evening (or morning by New York times)? And maybe not. Did she forget mine? Did she just think it was so shit she couldn't possibly post in on her blog? Or is there some other explanation, there being so many you couldn't really shake a stick at them all!
lol
Dog save us from fishes, 'sall I'm sayin'.
The doc was not very helpful. Just gave me my repeat prescriptions and sent me out the door. I get to see the specialist in 6 weeks so he can look at my feet and a proctologist, also in 6 weeks, so he can look up my ... well, you know!
Ew.
In other news, Miss Snark appeared to stop yesterday mid-stream. Maybe I'll be there this evening (or morning by New York times)? And maybe not. Did she forget mine? Did she just think it was so shit she couldn't possibly post in on her blog? Or is there some other explanation, there being so many you couldn't really shake a stick at them all!
lol
Dog save us from fishes, 'sall I'm sayin'.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Still waiting
I guess, being on the other side of the clock, that my 750 words will be in the last batch. Eep ... the nerves increase ever in their fray!
At least I've had a serious illness to distract my attention for a few days!
I feel quite a lot better now as the diclofenac appears to be leaving my system and my intestines are repairing themselves. I'm not enjoying the new meds as they make me very dissociated and drowsy. Even when Peter is crying it sounds like he's in another room.
In any case, I was able to give Mrs B a break this morning so she could have nearly an extra couple of hours nap. She's been so exhausted from looking after baby and me since Wednesday. Bless her.
I'm a very lucky husby bear indeed.
At least I've had a serious illness to distract my attention for a few days!
I feel quite a lot better now as the diclofenac appears to be leaving my system and my intestines are repairing themselves. I'm not enjoying the new meds as they make me very dissociated and drowsy. Even when Peter is crying it sounds like he's in another room.
In any case, I was able to give Mrs B a break this morning so she could have nearly an extra couple of hours nap. She's been so exhausted from looking after baby and me since Wednesday. Bless her.
I'm a very lucky husby bear indeed.
Friday, January 12, 2007
Cruthers
Well, I'm home again, after a brief spell in hospital. Had a bad reaction to my arthritis medication and spent a day with the morphine fairies. Then, trying to escape the clutches of the evil hospital peoples, had a hell of a time getting the doctor that said I could leave to do my discharge papers. I left by myself in the end and my mum went in to pick up my new medication and discharge papers later. Bless her.
Evil hospital peoples. And I missed Mrs B and baby bear sooooooooooo much. I'm very glad to be home, safe and sound.
Am now tremulously awaiting the snarkage for Heng. If anyone has followed my username link over here and fancy seeing how the first section plays out look here: http://rhease-linnell.blogspot.com/
Yowsa!
Evil hospital peoples. And I missed Mrs B and baby bear sooooooooooo much. I'm very glad to be home, safe and sound.
Am now tremulously awaiting the snarkage for Heng. If anyone has followed my username link over here and fancy seeing how the first section plays out look here: http://rhease-linnell.blogspot.com/
Yowsa!
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Monday, January 08, 2007
Bleary eyed again
At least this time Peter's having his morning nap already. He's already been sick on my arm, so the keyboard is safe for this morning!
He's being such a pain in the arse today. And we're going to take him swimming later this morning. Sheesh, ungrateful little baby! Lol.
To risk jumping on the Hunt for Ms Kelly bandwagon, bloody politicians. Bunch of lying, two faced, self-serving, manipulative, hoarding bastards.
And I should know. I was a committee clerk for local government too!
We're nearly out of coffee as well. So I'm drinking my third cup of tea this morning. And eating crispies.
Mmm, crispies.
He's being such a pain in the arse today. And we're going to take him swimming later this morning. Sheesh, ungrateful little baby! Lol.
To risk jumping on the Hunt for Ms Kelly bandwagon, bloody politicians. Bunch of lying, two faced, self-serving, manipulative, hoarding bastards.
And I should know. I was a committee clerk for local government too!
We're nearly out of coffee as well. So I'm drinking my third cup of tea this morning. And eating crispies.
Mmm, crispies.
Gruh the second
Ah, 'tis the end of the day and I have more barf of a baby-like nature spattered all over! And I had a job interview this afternoon. Blah - hard sales for a double glazing "we don't just do windows" company - yeah, bollocks. And bollocks to them. I'm not going to call everyone in the country asking them if they want bloody windows. It's stupid! Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Yars, anyways, I did get some wool and more needles so Mrs B and I can get going with our dual-knitting feat! I've already knitted Peter a scarf and it's very cute. Considering I hadn't knitted since I was, like, eight, it didn't turn out too bad. Next thing I'm going to make will be a draft excluder :) I might have finished it by next winter! Lol.
And yeargh: Miss Snark has paused for a week. Eep. She won't get to my pages till next weekend. Double eep. Triple eep. And I was already so nervous at what might be said. Still, it gives me another week to try to mature the thickness of my skin in preperation for the pointless, non-constructive negative comments that are bound to be tagged to it by well-meaning-I'm-sure people. After seeing how mean people have been to others whose work has been blogged, I won't be surprised if I find myself inundated with negative comments.
Bastards. Have a heart. We whose 750 words were requested at least managed to get to round two, so nyeh!
:p
prrrrrrrrrt!
Yars, anyways, I did get some wool and more needles so Mrs B and I can get going with our dual-knitting feat! I've already knitted Peter a scarf and it's very cute. Considering I hadn't knitted since I was, like, eight, it didn't turn out too bad. Next thing I'm going to make will be a draft excluder :) I might have finished it by next winter! Lol.
And yeargh: Miss Snark has paused for a week. Eep. She won't get to my pages till next weekend. Double eep. Triple eep. And I was already so nervous at what might be said. Still, it gives me another week to try to mature the thickness of my skin in preperation for the pointless, non-constructive negative comments that are bound to be tagged to it by well-meaning-I'm-sure people. After seeing how mean people have been to others whose work has been blogged, I won't be surprised if I find myself inundated with negative comments.
Bastards. Have a heart. We whose 750 words were requested at least managed to get to round two, so nyeh!
:p
prrrrrrrrrt!
Sunday, January 07, 2007
mumumumumum
is what Peter has been burbling. Ew - for fuck's sake - he's just been sick on me again. Aaaaaaaaaaaargh.
Right, all clean again. This is becoming a daily entry. Should I just post a recurring thread re: baby barf?
Ew
Right, all clean again. This is becoming a daily entry. Should I just post a recurring thread re: baby barf?
Ew
Waaaaaaaaah
Waaaaaaaaaah
So says Peter.
Mrs B and I have not had anywhere as much sleep as we deserve/need since the evil nursey jabbed flufflemonkey with the nasty vaccinations of doom.
Bitch.
Anyways, now the bedroom door has started creaking very very loudly. I went in to check on him after he'd finally nodded off and the door creak woke him up. Aaaaaargh! I'm attacking it with either an axe or some WD40, whichever I can lay my hands on first!
Gruh.
So says Peter.
Mrs B and I have not had anywhere as much sleep as we deserve/need since the evil nursey jabbed flufflemonkey with the nasty vaccinations of doom.
Bitch.
Anyways, now the bedroom door has started creaking very very loudly. I went in to check on him after he'd finally nodded off and the door creak woke him up. Aaaaaargh! I'm attacking it with either an axe or some WD40, whichever I can lay my hands on first!
Gruh.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Eep, the COM round 2 draws ever closer
So, she's got started on the round 2s over at Snark central. Eep. I'm quite nervous now. Having seen some of the reviews and comments of those she's already got to, I'm wondering whether my opening will be any good. It's always hard to remain upbeat. Mrs B keeps telling me to relax: there will always be some people that like your work and some that don't and some that say they don't just because they haven't got anything better to do.
Like that bloke in Devon who has complained about the RNLI raising funds for their lifeboat 365 days a year. They have a mannequin dressed as a lifeguard outside the boat house and it holds a collection bucket. This chap is displeased and has complained and because he's complained, it looks like if you start drowning off the coast of Devon, you'd better take your own lifevest and call for an air ambulance from Wales, what with Newquay airport's Sea King fleet being moved out as well!
Blimey, what is the world coming to?
In any case, back to my initial wibble: eep, eep, and double eep. What will Miss Snark think of my work? What will the commentators say? How cutting will everyone be?
Me so fwightened! lol
Like that bloke in Devon who has complained about the RNLI raising funds for their lifeboat 365 days a year. They have a mannequin dressed as a lifeguard outside the boat house and it holds a collection bucket. This chap is displeased and has complained and because he's complained, it looks like if you start drowning off the coast of Devon, you'd better take your own lifevest and call for an air ambulance from Wales, what with Newquay airport's Sea King fleet being moved out as well!
Blimey, what is the world coming to?
In any case, back to my initial wibble: eep, eep, and double eep. What will Miss Snark think of my work? What will the commentators say? How cutting will everyone be?
Me so fwightened! lol
Friday, January 05, 2007
Saturday already
Well, here I sit. Bleary eyed. Coffee. Had whisky last night. Only a wee dram. But yesterday was such a pain in the arse. At least it's over and I can start today how I mean to go on - with Peter on my lap!
Ew, he's just been sick all over my wrist. Ew. Ew. Ew.
Right, all clean again. Bloody child!
I'm quite nervous about the forthcoming Round 2 of the Happy Hooker Crapometer. Some people were quite unneccessarily mean about my hook. And then again, quite a lot of people were actually very nice, too :) Wonder what they'll think of the opening!
Ooooooooooooh
Ew, he's just been sick all over my wrist. Ew. Ew. Ew.
Right, all clean again. Bloody child!
I'm quite nervous about the forthcoming Round 2 of the Happy Hooker Crapometer. Some people were quite unneccessarily mean about my hook. And then again, quite a lot of people were actually very nice, too :) Wonder what they'll think of the opening!
Ooooooooooooh
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
HHCOM results!
Well, there you are. Miss Snark did not think much of my hook for Blood of Es. Not that I'm surprised. After having observed the hooks as they went up over the weeks I noticed a recurring theme: pare down, focus, lose the blather, etc.
Still, mercifully, Mrs B convinced me to also enter a hook for Heng. I wrote Heng back in 2000 and it is currently in Draft form number 3! And Miss Snark loved the hook. So, I'm back in business with Heng, reworking it now so that I can begin submitting it in a couple of months (he hopes) once it's perfected!
Gosh, so, you'll see the first 759 words on her blog, perhaps this weekend (not 750 as that would end in the middle of a sentence!). But I shall include the first chapter below. For those that may be interested: the second chapter will follow Alice (his boss) and various chapters will have other characters as their POV centre, otherwise I suspect the reader would just want the subject of the book to die a horrible horrible death!
Enjoy:
It was three days since Frank emptied the last of the poison into her food.
She still looked shaky but the colour was coming back to her skin. The damned stuff had not worked as well as he had hoped.
His mug of coffee tilted as she lowered it to the table.
“Careful, mum,” he said. “It’ll take you ages to clean that out of the carpet.”
He stubbed his cigarette out in the ashtray and shook his head.
“I wish you wouldn’t do that in here,” she said, glaring at the assortment of cogs and gears arranged neatly on the floor in front of him. He shrugged.
“I’m using newspaper.”
She tutted and went back to the kitchen to get her own drink. “I saw Helen at the surgery again, today.” Her voice sounded shrill, even from the other room.
“Yes?” Frank said, carefully greasing a metal disc and slotting it into place.
“She wants to do more tests. I feel more like a pincushion every day.”
“What is she testing for now?”
“I don’t know; something to do with heavy metals. I’m feeling much better, though. I think I’m over the worst of it.
Frank nodded. She certainly was. He looked up at the clock and sighed. Helen would be at the bingo hall for at least another hour.
The light of the television flickered in the corner of his eye as his mum began trawling through the channels. He began to place the discarded ends of rubber tubing into a careful pile beside his untouched coffee as he stripped the ends of the cables and wired the device.
“Oh, before I forget,” his mum said. Frank paused, holding the ends of the wires away from each other. He breathed deeply. “Margaret called earlier. She wanted to know if you could pop over there and take a look at her pipes.”
“From number forty-two?”
“Yes, that’s right. She wouldn’t have asked, but her husband won’t be back for another month yet. I think his ship is still somewhere near Gibraltar.”
Frank nodded. Her timing could not have been better.
“Alright, mum. I’ll just finish this first. Did she say what was wrong?”
“I think it’s that kitchen pipe again. I keep telling her not to pour old fat down the sink but she won’t listen.”
Frank put the last pieces in place and got to his feet.
“I hope you’re not going to leave that there.”
He rolled his eyes. “I was going to put it in the cellar. Could you get the door for me?”
She followed him out into the hallway and opened the cellar door. “It’s freezing down there,” she hissed as a fist of cold air rushed up to meet them.
“The heater’s broken,” Frank said. “I told you last week.”
“Oh, that’s right. Listen, can you fetch me a bottle of wine? Helen said she might come over after bingo.”
“Sure,” he said. She usually did.
He went down the stairs and very carefully placed the device on the shelf. It looked snug, sandwiched between two pyramids of jam jars filled with nitro-glycerine.
Frank set the clock and walked slowly back to the stairs.
He paused by the wine rack and picked out his mum’s favourite. As he climbed the stairs he slipped off the marigolds and left them dangling like a pair of deformed hands over the rail. He shut the door behind him and took the bottle through to his mum.
“I’ll be as quick as I can,” he said, giving her a peck on the cheek. Up close he could see the coarse hairs that sprouted randomly on her chin. The perfume she wore was sweet and cloying. He was glad he would not be home when Helen arrived.
She looked up at him from the corkscrew and smiled. “See you later.”
“Sure,” he said. He glanced around as he took his coat off the hook and nodded to himself. “Bye, then.”
“Bye.”
He stepped out onto the dark street and lit a cigarette. It was a chilly night but at least the rain had stopped. The dark tarmac shimmered gently under the harsh sodium glare of the streetlights. In the distance a dog barked.
He began to walk slowly along the pavement, enjoying the tranquillity. Dyllion Crescent was close to a mile long from end to end and formed a crooked smile on the side of the quietly industrial Devonian town.
The road encircled a small wood and it was this that provided Frank’s shortcut to Margaret’s house. He passed between a pair of houses and through a gap in the hedge. A muddy path had been worn through the woods and Frank followed this briefly into the dark shadows of the trees.
With the confidence of a lifetime resident, he veered off the path and began to wind his way deeper into the wood until he came to a timber shack.
The heavy padlock yielded easily to Frank’s key. Once inside, the door closed again and the black out curtain pulled back across, he lit the lamp.
He smiled and lifted the hood.
Doctor Chang had a suitably uncomprehending look of terror on her face. This was the first time since he had brought her here that he had let her see who he was.
He pulled the needle out of the body on the floor and held it up for her to see. It was the kind used in acupuncture, long and thin. Along its shaft was the congealed redness of its previous lodging and as he brought it closer to her she began to shake her head.
Her nostrils were wide open and furiously snorting air. The thick gag over her mouth allowed nothing through. Her eyes were wide, desperately imploring him to release her.
He set the needle down on the small wooden stool in front of her and sat down on the cadaver. Its face was contorted in an expression of agony and the slash at its throat gaped widely for the doctor to see.
Frank lit the candle that was on the stool and began to heat the end of the needle. Blood was trickling down from the doctor’s wrists where she had opened up the sores, struggling to pull her hands free again.
“No one has noticed you’re gone yet, you know,” he said, conversationally. “Everyone thinks you’re off to the Maldives.” He held the glowing end of the pin out to her. “To be honest, we’re glad to have you off our backs for a while. No one likes to have a bad report on their record.”
He pushed the needle through the bare skin of her leg. It sunk deeply into the tissue at the bottom of her calf muscle and her body convulsed with the sudden pain.
He withdrew the needle and began heating it over the candle again.
“I saw your last report on me. Do you really think it’s the stress of the work environment that’s caused me to emotionally retreat from my colleagues?”
He pushed the needle through her other leg. Her scream, muffled by the gag, sounded exhausted.
“I’ve tried very hard to fit in, you know,” he said, holding the needle back over the candle. “I thought I’d succeeded. Obviously not.”
The needle hissed slightly as he pressed it to her belly. He did not push it deeply this time. He got to his feet as he held the needle against the flesh just above her navel.
“I like working there,” he said. “I find the environment stimulating. If I possessed the slightest ounce of compassion I wouldn’t do what I do. I know all about emotions, Chang. I’ve studied them up close. They’re overrated, trust me.”
He scraped the needle down until it fitted into the crease of her navel. Her gasp of pain was obvious, despite the gag. If her hands had not been roped to the roof beams and her feet bound to the iron ring set in the concrete floor, she would have doubled up.
There was no room for her to manoeuvre and so Frank’s needle was unhindered in its progression through her abdomen. Dark blood mingled with intestinal fluids and all colour drained from her face.
“It’ll take you a while to die that way,” he said. He picked up a long knife from the floor and scraped it down the centre of her body.
The blade was surprisingly sharp. Blood blossomed fast along the length of the deep cut. He watched the pulse at the base of her throat beating its rapid, terrified rhythm and smiled.
“This should help.”
He sank the knife into her throat, slowly easing it open.
She gurgled one last time as the gag fell to the floor.
He untied the corpse and stacked it and the other cadaver in the corner. He slipped out of his dirty clothes, put on a clean overall and picked up his tool kit.
It only took him another ten minutes to get to Margaret’s house. Her husband was fond of garden gnomes and Frank was glad of the patio lights to illuminate a clear path through the garden.
He crouched to stub his cigarette out on a tackily wee red hat before stepping up to the door.
She was a vision in a floral nightdress, her long dark hair bound up in a wet towel. With the light of the hallway behind her, Frank could just make out the shape of her ageing yet ample bosom as she turned to let him in.
“Ah, Frank, thanks for coming. I’m sorry to be a nuisance.”
“That’s okay, Margaret. Always happy to help.”
Her eyes reflected a sudden burst of light and Frank was thrown forward by a deafening detonation. Pieces of masonry smashed through windows and a roofing tile struck Frank a painful blow across his back as it shattered through Margaret’s open front door.
Margaret screamed, but the ringing in his ears was all that Frank could hear.
He looked at his watch.
Bang on time.
Still, mercifully, Mrs B convinced me to also enter a hook for Heng. I wrote Heng back in 2000 and it is currently in Draft form number 3! And Miss Snark loved the hook. So, I'm back in business with Heng, reworking it now so that I can begin submitting it in a couple of months (he hopes) once it's perfected!
Gosh, so, you'll see the first 759 words on her blog, perhaps this weekend (not 750 as that would end in the middle of a sentence!). But I shall include the first chapter below. For those that may be interested: the second chapter will follow Alice (his boss) and various chapters will have other characters as their POV centre, otherwise I suspect the reader would just want the subject of the book to die a horrible horrible death!
Enjoy:
1
It was three days since Frank emptied the last of the poison into her food.
She still looked shaky but the colour was coming back to her skin. The damned stuff had not worked as well as he had hoped.
His mug of coffee tilted as she lowered it to the table.
“Careful, mum,” he said. “It’ll take you ages to clean that out of the carpet.”
He stubbed his cigarette out in the ashtray and shook his head.
“I wish you wouldn’t do that in here,” she said, glaring at the assortment of cogs and gears arranged neatly on the floor in front of him. He shrugged.
“I’m using newspaper.”
She tutted and went back to the kitchen to get her own drink. “I saw Helen at the surgery again, today.” Her voice sounded shrill, even from the other room.
“Yes?” Frank said, carefully greasing a metal disc and slotting it into place.
“She wants to do more tests. I feel more like a pincushion every day.”
“What is she testing for now?”
“I don’t know; something to do with heavy metals. I’m feeling much better, though. I think I’m over the worst of it.
Frank nodded. She certainly was. He looked up at the clock and sighed. Helen would be at the bingo hall for at least another hour.
The light of the television flickered in the corner of his eye as his mum began trawling through the channels. He began to place the discarded ends of rubber tubing into a careful pile beside his untouched coffee as he stripped the ends of the cables and wired the device.
“Oh, before I forget,” his mum said. Frank paused, holding the ends of the wires away from each other. He breathed deeply. “Margaret called earlier. She wanted to know if you could pop over there and take a look at her pipes.”
“From number forty-two?”
“Yes, that’s right. She wouldn’t have asked, but her husband won’t be back for another month yet. I think his ship is still somewhere near Gibraltar.”
Frank nodded. Her timing could not have been better.
“Alright, mum. I’ll just finish this first. Did she say what was wrong?”
“I think it’s that kitchen pipe again. I keep telling her not to pour old fat down the sink but she won’t listen.”
Frank put the last pieces in place and got to his feet.
“I hope you’re not going to leave that there.”
He rolled his eyes. “I was going to put it in the cellar. Could you get the door for me?”
She followed him out into the hallway and opened the cellar door. “It’s freezing down there,” she hissed as a fist of cold air rushed up to meet them.
“The heater’s broken,” Frank said. “I told you last week.”
“Oh, that’s right. Listen, can you fetch me a bottle of wine? Helen said she might come over after bingo.”
“Sure,” he said. She usually did.
He went down the stairs and very carefully placed the device on the shelf. It looked snug, sandwiched between two pyramids of jam jars filled with nitro-glycerine.
Frank set the clock and walked slowly back to the stairs.
He paused by the wine rack and picked out his mum’s favourite. As he climbed the stairs he slipped off the marigolds and left them dangling like a pair of deformed hands over the rail. He shut the door behind him and took the bottle through to his mum.
“I’ll be as quick as I can,” he said, giving her a peck on the cheek. Up close he could see the coarse hairs that sprouted randomly on her chin. The perfume she wore was sweet and cloying. He was glad he would not be home when Helen arrived.
She looked up at him from the corkscrew and smiled. “See you later.”
“Sure,” he said. He glanced around as he took his coat off the hook and nodded to himself. “Bye, then.”
“Bye.”
He stepped out onto the dark street and lit a cigarette. It was a chilly night but at least the rain had stopped. The dark tarmac shimmered gently under the harsh sodium glare of the streetlights. In the distance a dog barked.
He began to walk slowly along the pavement, enjoying the tranquillity. Dyllion Crescent was close to a mile long from end to end and formed a crooked smile on the side of the quietly industrial Devonian town.
The road encircled a small wood and it was this that provided Frank’s shortcut to Margaret’s house. He passed between a pair of houses and through a gap in the hedge. A muddy path had been worn through the woods and Frank followed this briefly into the dark shadows of the trees.
With the confidence of a lifetime resident, he veered off the path and began to wind his way deeper into the wood until he came to a timber shack.
The heavy padlock yielded easily to Frank’s key. Once inside, the door closed again and the black out curtain pulled back across, he lit the lamp.
He smiled and lifted the hood.
Doctor Chang had a suitably uncomprehending look of terror on her face. This was the first time since he had brought her here that he had let her see who he was.
He pulled the needle out of the body on the floor and held it up for her to see. It was the kind used in acupuncture, long and thin. Along its shaft was the congealed redness of its previous lodging and as he brought it closer to her she began to shake her head.
Her nostrils were wide open and furiously snorting air. The thick gag over her mouth allowed nothing through. Her eyes were wide, desperately imploring him to release her.
He set the needle down on the small wooden stool in front of her and sat down on the cadaver. Its face was contorted in an expression of agony and the slash at its throat gaped widely for the doctor to see.
Frank lit the candle that was on the stool and began to heat the end of the needle. Blood was trickling down from the doctor’s wrists where she had opened up the sores, struggling to pull her hands free again.
“No one has noticed you’re gone yet, you know,” he said, conversationally. “Everyone thinks you’re off to the Maldives.” He held the glowing end of the pin out to her. “To be honest, we’re glad to have you off our backs for a while. No one likes to have a bad report on their record.”
He pushed the needle through the bare skin of her leg. It sunk deeply into the tissue at the bottom of her calf muscle and her body convulsed with the sudden pain.
He withdrew the needle and began heating it over the candle again.
“I saw your last report on me. Do you really think it’s the stress of the work environment that’s caused me to emotionally retreat from my colleagues?”
He pushed the needle through her other leg. Her scream, muffled by the gag, sounded exhausted.
“I’ve tried very hard to fit in, you know,” he said, holding the needle back over the candle. “I thought I’d succeeded. Obviously not.”
The needle hissed slightly as he pressed it to her belly. He did not push it deeply this time. He got to his feet as he held the needle against the flesh just above her navel.
“I like working there,” he said. “I find the environment stimulating. If I possessed the slightest ounce of compassion I wouldn’t do what I do. I know all about emotions, Chang. I’ve studied them up close. They’re overrated, trust me.”
He scraped the needle down until it fitted into the crease of her navel. Her gasp of pain was obvious, despite the gag. If her hands had not been roped to the roof beams and her feet bound to the iron ring set in the concrete floor, she would have doubled up.
There was no room for her to manoeuvre and so Frank’s needle was unhindered in its progression through her abdomen. Dark blood mingled with intestinal fluids and all colour drained from her face.
“It’ll take you a while to die that way,” he said. He picked up a long knife from the floor and scraped it down the centre of her body.
The blade was surprisingly sharp. Blood blossomed fast along the length of the deep cut. He watched the pulse at the base of her throat beating its rapid, terrified rhythm and smiled.
“This should help.”
He sank the knife into her throat, slowly easing it open.
She gurgled one last time as the gag fell to the floor.
He untied the corpse and stacked it and the other cadaver in the corner. He slipped out of his dirty clothes, put on a clean overall and picked up his tool kit.
It only took him another ten minutes to get to Margaret’s house. Her husband was fond of garden gnomes and Frank was glad of the patio lights to illuminate a clear path through the garden.
He crouched to stub his cigarette out on a tackily wee red hat before stepping up to the door.
She was a vision in a floral nightdress, her long dark hair bound up in a wet towel. With the light of the hallway behind her, Frank could just make out the shape of her ageing yet ample bosom as she turned to let him in.
“Ah, Frank, thanks for coming. I’m sorry to be a nuisance.”
“That’s okay, Margaret. Always happy to help.”
Her eyes reflected a sudden burst of light and Frank was thrown forward by a deafening detonation. Pieces of masonry smashed through windows and a roofing tile struck Frank a painful blow across his back as it shattered through Margaret’s open front door.
Margaret screamed, but the ringing in his ears was all that Frank could hear.
He looked at his watch.
Bang on time.
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