I wish I wasn't so insecure about my writing. I worry about every word - every sentence - even the chapter structure and perspectives taken through the stories. And I read back through what I've done and worry whether what I've done is any good anyway! I mean, I'm so familiar with what I've written and I know where the story is going and to what the various nuances refer ... but would a reader get it? Would my reader even like what I've done? Would they bother to read on passed the prologue, and if so, would they keep reading - would I have them interested enough to actually care about the story and the characters?

My wife patiently reads everything I do, sometimes at knife point (lol) and says she likes it ... but even if it wasn't any good she'd probably say that! I've posted it to fantasy-writers.org (well, the prologue and first two chapters) and am hoping to get some feedback from there ... but then I've read some of the indisputably crap stuff that's posted there, so am not even sure whether to trust what any of them say - except they are the target audience, for the most part, as they are mostly amateur writers that like reading fantasy and playing Warhammer and write their stories based on the moves of their pieces that time they beat Hairy Dave with their band of Orcs and a Dark Elf Wizard!!!

And, shit man, I started to read Robert Jordan's famous Wheel of Time saga last night. I read the prologue and thought ... whoah - a bit heavy on the "thee and thou" language - but I suppose that's a good indication of the genre - but I find it somewhat tedious when it then takes a couple of thousand words to describe a pair of men riding horses through a wood into a village! I mean, seriously ... same problem with Tad Williams - why is each of his books over a thousand pages? How the hell does this tripe get published. Most people that read these books say - yeah, good story, but really slow to get going and a bit overlong ... so how did they get agents and publishers and the like, when it's clear from the advice of these same agents and publishers and self-help books and the writers and artists' yearbook etc that what is required to get published is a snappy query letter, a gripping synopsis, an opening that captures their attention and then continues to hold it, and that is well written ...

I'm still determined to crack on with what I'm doing, just feeling a bit daunted by the whole mountain of shit against which I must pit myself.

Hopefully I'll get some feedback from fantasy writers, and I'll keep on bugging my perfick wife coz she's a fantasy writer too and this one's for her ... and I do trust her to tell me what she thinks, I just know that she'll also feel obliged to sugar coat it a little too - but then she is my wifey and if she doesn't massage my ego from time to time, who will ... not to mention Bilbo ;)

LOL

Hoograahaa, I've also been given stronger co-codomol from the doctors and it's making me a little drifty in the head! But yay - I finally have an appointment to see the specialist ... no doubt he'll look at me and say, yeah, psoriasis, aches and pains that are not caused by rheumatism or trapped nerves or whatever - well - it's obvious what you got sonny, especially as your dad has it too ... here, have some more pills and a bit of physio - but at least it'll be a start on getting well again - me hopes.